Sometimes, our clients can have an overwhelming feeling of being stuck or overwhelmed or helpless. And sometimes that feeling is a result of past experiences or stories that they have made up about their situation. Consider this humorous example of how devastating such perceptions can be…
We don’t mean to make light of the impact of these experiences on people with whom we work, in fact, just the opposite. Such feelings of stuck-ness are often layered over and over again like multiple coatings of icing on the cake of reality. Getting at these feelings can be a key to working toward the resolution of what seems like ambivalence or a lack of readiness to change.
So how do we work with such perceptions of stuck-ness? First, trust your intuition; if you feel there is more going on with regard to a client’s inability to move forward, very likely there is, so check it out with questions like, “My sense is there is something very strong that’s blocking you here, is that accurate?” If the answer is some version of yes, then probe more: “Tell me about similar experiences you’ve had when you have felt stuck or helpless.” “What is it like to feel so helpless?” “What have you done in the past when you have felt this way?” You may well determine that your client is not ready to change yet. There might be more for that person to learn from these feelings before she or he is ready to move forward. Remember that your client has all the creativity and resourcefulness necessary to change when that person is ready to do so. And, people know if they are ready, ask them, “On a scale of 1-10, how ready do you feel to move forward from this stuck-ness place?” “How important is this change to you?” Perhaps the answer leads to a sense that your client just wants you to be with them in this place of stuckness, to empathize with them (See our blog, Being over there in empathy with our clients). If they are ready to move up their ‘escalator’ of stuckness, then you have the golden opportunity to acknowledge their willingness to do so and ‘walk’ with them using MI OARS skills, even offering advice, with permission from your client.